Tuesday 20 May 2014

☀Dress Code in India: When It's Hot - Short or Better Not?☀

☀ India is a very diverse country. Its big territory incorporates a big number of regions (states). Every state has its own language, traditions, in one word - pecularities. However ways of life in India are as much similar everywhere as diverse if you take into account local cultural characteristics.
We live in a city which is a capital of two states - Punjab and Haryana. Both the states have their own respective languages (besides Hindi), Punjabi and Haryanvi, as well as their own population. Punjab has a predominant population of Sikhs, while Hindus is a majority in Haryana. Both the cultures put a significant influence on our city Chandigarh. Though the city itself is  a creation of the middle of 20th century, it has quite modern buildings and well organized streets, the people here cannot be called "open" enough to accept  the changes of the life style so soon.
Before coming here I read a lot about Indian culture, some restrictions of it, Indian clothing etc. But when it came to practically experiencing it I had hard times (how many?) adjusting, especially in a sense of dressing up. First I noticed girls and women here wear mostly Indian suits, kurtas with slacks, quite long t-shirts, jeans and pants even during hot summer, and almost always "dupatta" (Indian light scarf) over their neck and shoulders.
Second of all I had to forget wearing skirts till knees, too open tops, or even Capri which revealed my ankles and calves, or wear anything too tight or too transparent. These were explained to me by my D, not because he himself was so conservative but because people, basically, males, used to stare at any part of your body which was open, and he didn't like at all his girlfriend to be stared at which was anyways unavoidable because I attracted attention as a foreigner walking the streets with an Indian man.
Okay I must admit Russian women are pretty free to wear what they please, I can even say they won't bother asking anyone what they may wear, they decide the appropriate dress for the occasion themselves. Some days I was just fine with the wardrobe limitations, some days we had big fights over another matter: I wanted to wear at least shorts because it was so damn hot, but I couldn't simply because of "others". I used to say that I couldn't adjust for each and everyone, that I was annoyed by constantly checking if my bra strap didn't come out by accident, and if it did, to feel ashamed and hurriedly hide it under my top. I felt irritated, disappointed, angry.
I also started wearing more of open sandals, slippers, mostly on low heels. It is actually more comfy in summer because your feet don't get tired that soon as on high heels or wedges. But shoes type here is totally your choice. 
Luckily times have changed  a little since then. A year ago, 4 days before our anniversary, we went to the shopping mall. My D then said, looking at the females there who wore dresses and skirts, and sundresses, that the people had started changing their thinking. And that was the day I got a dress which was only till knees. However I'd wear it only when I am with D. 
Also now I don't have complaints since I can wear sleeveless tops and thin pants in the city, nevertheless if you happen to travel deeper in the state toward smaller towns and villages, you shall think better of what to wear there as the population won't be of the same opinion about short/open clothes as you are. Same applies to visiting of temples and other holy places (like Golden Temple in Amritsar for ex.) where I guess it is understood you wear decent clothing items and also a headscarf/kerchief. In Sikh temples "gurudwara" it concerns males likewise.
I see that girls in the city becoming more and more brave and nowadays you can see females in shorts and skirts here and there. But that doesn't mean that people around are okay and favor that. In my previous office even woman used to look at my "naked" ankles. Yes, it depends on where you work too, my new office has no objection of female employees dressing up in feminine clothing items. But I in my turn now feel more comfortable in pants or trousers. 
☼ What to wear in India - Essential Information for Women - a short article as a travel guide.
☼ Modesty of Dress and Indian Culture - an article by The Hindu newspaper. Yes, why should boys have all the fun?
I also understand that such places as Goa allow for almost any type of clothing BUT it is an exception and another story similarly like metro cities Mumbai, Delhi, Bangalore created their own world within themselves though at the same time belonging to a particular state. 
On weekend me and D watched a German movie "The White Masai" on one of the TV channels. Have you seen it? Do watch  it if you haven't, and see how sometimes even love cannot promise successful intercultural marriage.

32 comments:

  1. It's a sad truth that we Indians are not so tolerate towards women wearing modern dresses:( .Even i get frustrated when i see some lovely dress and knee length skirts and have to pass as i won't be able to wear them in public. Although many have adapted to it in metro cities, it's still a big issue in small town and cities.. i hope it won't be much of a problem in next generation as i can see many people are gradually changing their traditional view for the better.. Will check out the movie soon. Seems interesting.. Have a great week ahead!

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    1. As you say you still can find freedom in big cities, I mean things are not bad at all. Even smaller citie snow becoming a little more tolerate and accepting. It is just when you are straight from the culture where noone even bothers what you wear it is difficult to stay calm when people stare at any possible body part which is not covered. But I am glad that we live in a slightly more progressive city in comparison to others. Thanks for contribution Anitha!

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  2. I both agree and disagree with you. Agree, for you have to be attentive about where you can wear what kind of dresses. In interior towns, people have certain thought process with regards to women dressing but sometimes you may see that changing as well. I wore sleeveless during my college days 10 years back and never had any issue in regular Indian city which was not even metro. After marriage too,I wore just knee length skirts and sleeveless tops without any problems. I stopped wearing just 2-3 years back because I put on lot of weight and wasn't looking good in such dresses. I don't use the scarf on Kurtas either. Earlier, when I was newly married, I wore scarf when I would visit in laws as a custom. But later I stopped doing that as well because they did not mind.
    If you see, even in foreign countries, some 50-70 years back, women wore full covered clothes and even gloves. It tooksome effort to change the mindset there. Also, I feel, if India has a certain dressing sense then just because they aren't ready to ape the west , doesn't mean they are backward. I feel everyone should respect each other and nothing should be forced upon. For me, independence of women is more related to let her decide about her future, carreer...etc.etc. there are many comfortable clothes in India which will allow breathing space eventhough fully covered. And I feel, home is enough to be relax and wear whatever rather than wearing outside and to be called as 'showing off'. I dont think India goes wrong anywhere. It is individual mindset and can't be blamed to entire community/country. Just as you feel why is it difficult to make them accept your way of life. Same way they feel why is it difficult to accept their way of life. I am talking about the small things that you get irritated with.
    Also, don't you agree, Sari is the most beautiful dress? Although I wear only during certain occasions as it is difficult to work in it, I am glad I have many options other than that to wear here.

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    1. Thanks Preeti for a long comment :) Yes, I agree with you too that it is not only India that had/has dress code, dress codes exist everywhere. But I am living in here now so for me whatever is happening here is important. I understand from my side that yes one has to follow the rules, When in Rome do as Romans do... but I also don't think it is possible to change your mindset and your cultural views so much as to accept everything at all and lead teh same lifestyle. I admire Indian dresses like sari and suits, but unfortunately I am not comfortable wearing them that much as to make them my daily outfit. Moreover I also don't think that India goes wrong in filtering what to take and what not to from other cultures, it is just apparently I simply express what I feel about the dress code which I had to alter in many ways when I shifted here and I am okay with it as well as many of my friends who also once decided to be a part of this culture.

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    2. My comment, yes, it looks as long as another post ;)
      For me, only the tiny comment window was open while writing. But I am glad to have a friend like you who is all ears to know other side of thought and don't feel offended. I hope you did not mind the long comment :) I am also happy and aware that you have inculcated lots of food and cultural habits of India. If you have any traditional heavy Russian dress for men, then give it to your D to wear in this weather ;)

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    3. Preeti why would I feel offended? In fact while writing this post I thought that my Indian friends inclkuding you might find it too sensitive, but I am also glad we are intelligent enough to understand each other point of views, after all everyone has a different.
      Aww.. your suggestion is just so wicked! I have to try it out if I could :)hehe

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  3. Its a very touchy topic :) Well.... times are changing slowly. People are becoming more OPEN to accept clothings which are not Indian. The new generation is also quite open to experiment wearing different types of clothing. Yes. I understand that it must have been / is very difficult for you to adjust to the requirements of acceptable clothings in India. I think people should have the freedom to wear what they like. But it is wishful thinking. Time is the only answer.

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    1. I knbow it is Aishwarya, and I don't promote to change things soon, they will, with time as you say. I am happy as it is now and actually gained much more patience and understanding over these years than I had when I just faced the things.

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  4. I admit i'm quite surprised to read your post. I had no idea that you had to be modest. I thought Indian women wore saris most of the time and those are revealing to an extent. Yeah I don't think i'd do well over there visiting. I get hot even when it's in the 70s and I would need to wear shorts and short sleeved shirts. i can't imagine being forced into pants on a hot day, and I don't wear dresses or skirts ever.

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    1. I know, I never posted about this in my blog. You see sari is another subject of discussion, many foreigners think that come on, sari reveals your belly and back.. so what's the matter if I wear shorts? But I think that sari is perceived as one of the ndian traditional dresses, besides it can worn even in such a manner as to not show any skin at belly area. I was not forced to wear anything I don't like, I had to alter my wardrobe a little. These days however I wear almost anything I want. And anyway even if I was in my native city I'd never wear a very short skirt anyway as I don't feel comfy revealing my entire legs in public.

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  5. That totally sucks that there is so much flack about what you wear. Thank God I live in America where I can dress as I please.

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    1. See Charlotte it is actually not only about people's judgement of what you wear it is also about country's traditions and values. May be it seemed so to you from my post that the situation is that bad... no, it is not. I just described my very first reaction which was quite similar to yours now. My situation is also different because I am though a foreigner but married to an Indian so I have to follow some rules of my husband's country. Otherwise tourists here dress up as they want - shorts and skirts and all :)

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  6. I love that you and your D can work on these things together. It shows how much you love and respect your relationship and each other, which is the only way to go if you want the marriage to grow and last.

    In the US people wear what they please, as you might have seen on TV. Sometimes, there are some who wear nothing at all *cough.* Culturally, the people of my home country dress up all the time and for all occasions; curly hair is straightened and faces are covered with make up... My family always ask me "Why don't you dress up?" and "Why do you wear your hair like you can't afford the beauty salon?" They mean nothing by it, of course. It's just who they are. My Piano Man, on the other hand, loves that I can be ready in 5 minutes and that my hair is always wild.

    I guess that in that when it comes to attire, I got the awesome end of the clothing stick!

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    1. Thanks Magaly, but it took us quite some time to work out this one. I am really fine now with as much freedom I get, it is in fact is more what other wives have here.
      Interestingly in India is also a kind of fashion to straighten hair as Indians (including my D) have beautiful weaving hair. I don't know where the fashion came from. I have straight hair and always wanted to have slightly curly :)
      Your wild hair suits your persona and you look great in any attire.

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    1. It is Ranjitha. And what all you described is really one ugly side of this issue. My D's concern of what I wear was avtually originiating from his owrry about my safety, and it still does. So I don't mind taking some precautions too, but can definitely relax when I am with him, and of course when we go to good places. If we are in the market I'd always dress up accordingly.
      As I had said things changed even since I came to India.But I am afraid that starting to wear short shorts and spagetti tops will not actually change that mentality you are speaking about. I wonder why women are more tolerable and have better understanding of the things?

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  8. Ahhhh - something that I have wondered about for quite some time, and maybe you can help to shed some light on the matter, dear Anna. Here in the United States (as in your Russia), we are free to dress as we wish...however I have always wondered, upon seeing visitors from Middle Eastern and Indian locales, here on vacations. The men and children are ALWAYS in "western dress" (not western as in Cowboys, but what we consider the norm here in the US - T-shirts or button down casual shirts, and jeans or shorts), while the women remain covered, usually from head to toe. WHY the double standard?

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    1. Oh, what shall I tell you about it Tanya? What I feel is that the domination of men is still there in the society in many cases. But there are many modern Indian families in which both husband and wife prefer Western clothing.
      However we witnessed newly married couplesin Goa, where a boy and a girl both were swimming in teh sea in shorts and t-shirts... I think that Indian women are more hesitant in this matter + culture's influence is there since childhood. Just like our cultures allow us to wear what we want, Indian culture is inclined toward more modesty. It is indeed a difficult topic to talk about since there are many issues involved.

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  9. Hi Anna, it's interesting to me to read of these restrictions. Here is Oregon, we dress how we want - and always very casual. I would have a lot of trouble adapting to restrictions like that. But I'm glad to hear things are easing up for women there. Freedom to do as you please is quite the gift. ((hugs)), Teresa :-)

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    1. Thanks Teresa! I hope that my Western friends were not actually frightened by my post. What I was trying to point out is my reaction and how I feel about it now, after 4 years. Yes, things are becoming better, but I also think that other countries should learn from India too :) Just like I did.

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  10. I am curious about maternity wear there in India. Here in the US maternity clothes have gotten quite embarrassing. Pregnant mothers often wear skin tight t-shirts or knit dresses that leave nothing to the imagination. Even their navels poke out! I think it is time to bring back the cute full preggie tops that don't hide much but keep people from staring. Sometimes people look in amazement! Amazed that some people show too much! Sorry for using your blog post as my "soap box." Linda@Wetcreek Blog

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    1. Haha, thanks, this topic is actual for me now Linda. My husband said me that I look funny in tight clothing so I started wearing more of loose blouses and Indian kurtas while I am pregnant. It is also better for a baby actually. I still wear something tighter at home but yea, try to keep myself less visible in the office :) Here in India many girls cover their pregnant bellies with ligth scraves on top, to protect from evil eye as well.

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  11. Hi Anna, A lot has been said above, so I will not actually discuss this topic anymore.As you say "In Rome, do as the Romans..." is always a good policy. I guess wardrobe restrictions in India are more for the protection of the women rather than suppression. From your posts I am realising that you have had to make a lot of changes regarding food, clothes, culture etc. I enjoy reading your description of India from an outsiders point of view. Sometimes we are so used to our ways and customs we do not realise how it must seem to people from other cultures. But I also feel that you have adapted very well and you are always cheerful and happy in your writing. Your little one will be lucky to benefit from two very different cultures. Take care, have a great week.
    Lots of love and a big hug.
    Sangeetha

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    1. Hi Sangeetha! Yes, I also think so, it is just when I first met these restrictions I couldn't understand them. Of course you are used to your country's customs and this is the way you lived for many years, it is very well understood. Same as if may be you come to my country you will find some things too open and might be shocked.
      Take care too and thanks for support!
      Sending hugs back at you!

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  12. Hey Anna,

    I like wearing long skirts in Panchkula and Chandigarh. Even wearing knee length skirt sis fine..I don't get many stares. India dress is not conservative as you may think. I see women all the time where I can see the back of their bras because their kurta or suit top is see through. I think now that as long as legs are covered above the knee and the top is not too revealing...then it's ok. Not sure why you originally thought even knee length skirt is bad?

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    1. Hello Unknown commenter from the same city...Glad you stopped by.
      Yea, I know knee length became fine now, but stares from people are persistant.
      Moreover I don't narrow the problem only to only wear or not to wear revealing... I try to underline how one can actually understand why there are ceratin limitations. I couldn't in the beginning.

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  13. The restrictions are because the leg is considered very sexual and revealing..it seems even more than cleavage. That's another thing..I see women with some cleavage exposed in Chandigarh. It seems only rule is don't show much leg.

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    1. Yea, we will talk about legs in some other post :)
      Was it your comment above? I kind of thought it could be someone who I know of course :) Thanks for writing!

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  14. I wonder if I could ever live in a country where my body was ogled anytime I wanted to go outside, it sounds bad :( It also sounds sweaty to have to wear long pants in 35 degree heat!

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    1. It can be hard to get used to at first but see many girls do, like us who are used to more freedom and less of attention from strangers.
      Wearing pants, salwars and other light material stuff is ok here even when its hot besides you would want to cover yourself from the scorching sun! :)

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  15. Hi, Thanks for visiting! How interesting your post on your blogs where you analyze your current situation in another country. Sounds good. You've adapted to unpais and rules etc.. By sheer will! and that's fantastic. Greetings! Rose M

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  16. A lot for you to get use to with the clothing. I'm happy now, you can wear a dress and maybe shorts ;o) Very interesting post ;o) Hugs ;o)

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