I love everything related to language and literature, and it wasn't at all surprising when I chose to become a philologist, a person who loves "word", just like my Mom. Different types of language, be it spoken, written, body, sign, help us to convey and ... connect.
I remember when we had one of the general linguistics lessons in the university, we came to the subject of language families. That was when I discovered the variety of languages which exist. I took particular interest as I recollect now in Indo-European family which is the largest, and looked through the line-listing of the languages of India ... Oh my! How many of them were there I couldn't remember and pronounce their names at all, and only few months later I myself was put into that language environment.
To tell the truth I wanted to be ready before I reached India, and started learning Hindi in my city. I did it because I was curious and inspired by love. It also happens that both the partners have the same native language they can use in all areas of their lives, but what to do when your native languages are different? I will not touch here the situation when partners live in a country which puts its own linguistic demands on both.
Our own experience is such - my husband's mother tongue is Hindi and my is Russian.
In our case comes the universal medium - English language. We chose this way because my Indian boy couldn't speak Russian at all that time, and I still hadn't developed my Hindi speaking skills.
We have Indo-Russian families who have different approach to this problem. In one family a wife speaks Russian, while husband speaks both, Russian and Hindi. English is not used at home much.
Two other families have both the parents speaking both the languages, depending on a situation, and I consider this to be an ideal variant, and that's how I'd like our communication to be.
One more "method" of communication I got to know in the university was that some multilingual families learn and involve a third language like Esperanto for daily communication.
Okay, we still speak English with each other, but I in my turn learnt quite enough Hindi to watch TV and movies and understand what people say, and converse when I need it (let me boast more - read and write); my D also can speak Russian a little, knows alphabet and can write. In modern India though English is more than enough to feel yourself comfortable, and there is no obligation for foreigners residing here to learn Hindi in order to get good job or lift their social status.
However, at times it is not easy to make a person who speaks your own language to understand you. It is double fold difficult when you and your partner are using different language systems, because language also represents culture, it bears its concepts, and knowledge which have been accumulating for centuries! In many ways if intercultural couples don't at least try to learn each other's native languages, they miss on understanding their partner's inner world, his or her mentality, ways of life he or she chooses, and many other small things which are in fact important for a successful cultural blend :) But if you try may be the reaction of your loved one can be as such:
Dear friends, what is your opinion on this topic? Is it important for you that your partner speaks your language? Or do you think that love can break any language barriers?
I remember when we had one of the general linguistics lessons in the university, we came to the subject of language families. That was when I discovered the variety of languages which exist. I took particular interest as I recollect now in Indo-European family which is the largest, and looked through the line-listing of the languages of India ... Oh my! How many of them were there I couldn't remember and pronounce their names at all, and only few months later I myself was put into that language environment.
To tell the truth I wanted to be ready before I reached India, and started learning Hindi in my city. I did it because I was curious and inspired by love. It also happens that both the partners have the same native language they can use in all areas of their lives, but what to do when your native languages are different? I will not touch here the situation when partners live in a country which puts its own linguistic demands on both.
Our own experience is such - my husband's mother tongue is Hindi and my is Russian.
In our case comes the universal medium - English language. We chose this way because my Indian boy couldn't speak Russian at all that time, and I still hadn't developed my Hindi speaking skills.
We have Indo-Russian families who have different approach to this problem. In one family a wife speaks Russian, while husband speaks both, Russian and Hindi. English is not used at home much.
Two other families have both the parents speaking both the languages, depending on a situation, and I consider this to be an ideal variant, and that's how I'd like our communication to be.
One more "method" of communication I got to know in the university was that some multilingual families learn and involve a third language like Esperanto for daily communication.
Okay, we still speak English with each other, but I in my turn learnt quite enough Hindi to watch TV and movies and understand what people say, and converse when I need it (let me boast more - read and write); my D also can speak Russian a little, knows alphabet and can write. In modern India though English is more than enough to feel yourself comfortable, and there is no obligation for foreigners residing here to learn Hindi in order to get good job or lift their social status.
However, at times it is not easy to make a person who speaks your own language to understand you. It is double fold difficult when you and your partner are using different language systems, because language also represents culture, it bears its concepts, and knowledge which have been accumulating for centuries! In many ways if intercultural couples don't at least try to learn each other's native languages, they miss on understanding their partner's inner world, his or her mentality, ways of life he or she chooses, and many other small things which are in fact important for a successful cultural blend :) But if you try may be the reaction of your loved one can be as such:
It's a very interesting problem. Hubby is American and I'm British, so we both speak English. But there are differences, in culture and meanings, that sometimes catch us and cause misunderstandings and confusion. I'm learning! I 'm in admiration of how many languages you're embracing. Your Hindi will come along as you are immersed in it. That's a wonderful skill.
ReplyDeleteOh yea, I do know that even English language depending on where it is spoken can be so different in its sounding and vocabulary. But the main thing is not to give up :)
DeleteWell, it is not as many as I'd like to learn, I also want to know at least one more European language, but that is a life-long wish...
My partner, Lea is South African and is fluent in Afrikaans and English which gets me off the hook. I am trying to learn her native language but not getting far. If she did not speak such good English I would probably be more likely to learn her language. Love I do believe transcends all languages and cultures. You and your husband appear to have a rich life.
ReplyDeleteThat is wonderful! I somehow missed that you are in cross cultural relationships too Paul :) I know she appreciates your tries to learn her language, it will not go in vain!
DeleteThanks, and I will be coming up with some other topic on multicultural relations.
Yes I do think it's important because I'm afraid love doesn't break all barriers. When I went to Syria my husband to be spoke English but I couldn't speak Arabic. none of his family could speak English and I'm afraid I taught them how to speak English before they could teach me Arabic, I found it a very difficult language to learn, I felt very frustrated and angry because I couldn't understand what was being said and when I asked my husband he would say oh they are just speaking rubbish, which just made me more angry because how could they just be speaking rubbish and be so expressive and loud in doing so. Once I had learnt the language I understood what he meant completely, it was rubbish in a way, nonsense talk, light hearted fun talk that was repeated over and over, that was their way their culture. I could talk with you for hours on this subject, because once you have children the language question will come in again what language should you speak to your child, it caused many conflicts between us and still continues to a certain extent today. Mixed marriages are never easy but being in love does help. :)
ReplyDeleteI think so too Linda. Love helps us to communicate too, but needs to be supported all the time. Oh yes, that frustration when you don't understand what people around talk about is known to me and my husband too. You are welcome to talk about it! I am yet to post about choosing a language/languages for a child in multilingual family. You can give us a rich insight Linda! Thanks for a thoughtful comment.
DeleteI had a friend who spoke only English who married a guy from France who spoke only French. Their verbal communication was minimal. Once they learned each other's language better, the conflicts began and they ultimately broke up.
ReplyDeleteI shall include it in my dicussions, that knowing each other language smay bring in new problems, when you actually start figuring out what is what . Thanks for an example Debra!
DeleteDearest Anna,
ReplyDeleteIF there is real love involved, one has to understand about the mental world of the other. Growing up in a particular culture is what the fabric of life is, it is all woven into habits, into speech, into eating preferences etc. There is no better thing than to understand, really understand and being able to converse with that other person and his or her loved ones. However difficult initially but the effort shown to the other party will be paid back manyfold. That has been my understanding in trying to speak 7 languages. Never easy but it opens such a wide window to the world. Far more and far different than ONLY conversing in English as that is like tip-toeing over the heads of the natives... It takes time to submerge yourself in a new language, writing and speaking it are the hardest but if used all together, hearing, reading ,writing and speaking it (the latter being the hardest!) you will find yourself dreaming in that new language. That is a good sign when your subconcience is immerged into it that means you are living that culture through and through.
My partner speaks also my language so that made things easier but we do make it a point to speak the language of the country when being together with others. It feels very odd if other people are being left out of a conversation and have to guess what is it about...
The bonus is that I've read it is healthy for our brains: To help ward off dementia, train your brain
Hugs,
Mariette
That is true Mariette. Love inspires us to be better and to give more happiness to our partners, what includes learning his/her language too.
DeleteYou are great and so wise to have learnt so many languages, I am sure it is appreciated by many.
No doubt that we shall train our brain whole life so we can be those active and cheerful elder people. Well, I also crochet, so one step to that has been done! Shall get my husband involved too :)
All I have is my humble opinion and working for several couples who had mixed language marriages. One such couple was a wife who is Hungarian (but born and raised in America) her family taught her the Hungarian language and culture. Her husband American. Of course both speak English but the husband could not speak Hungarian. I could tell the husband felt "left out" during the wife's family events because the relatives wanted to speak in their native language. When children were born, the children at a very young age (3 yrs ) spoke both English and Hungarian. It's amazing how fast children can learn. The husband never learned the Hungarian Language.
ReplyDeleteOn the other hand I have a friend who was born and raised in China. He came to America and married an American girl...two completely different cultures. They married and were extremely happy. But when it came time for his family....she couldn't speak mandarin. The American girl decided to learn her husbands language. She can now speak the mandarin language fluently and they have made several trips to China. I believe this cultivated an even closer relationship and the wife was so excited of her accomplishment.
I live in a town that has many cultures. At this moment my next door neighbors are from Butan (butanese refugees). Our neighborhood is a mix of peoples from Indian, Butan, and Asia and live in an area that is mostly African American. Some speck English and some don't but they are trying to learn the English language. I wish I could speak their language....we just smile and wave hello.
I think if both the husband and wife learned each others language, it would help with the family relatives and understand the cultural traditions. The strange feelings of being "left out" would be eased. From my observations, it seems the women were more affected than the men. As women, I believe we want to be a part of the family, to be accepted and to be loved.
Girls somehow are always more active in this case, though my husband also always asks me to teach him more Russian, he doesn't need to use this language, hence self-motivation level is low. I just hope that I will be able to inculcate my native language in my child.
DeleteThanks for nice examples!
I studied the same thing in the university. Although our main subject was ancient Greek which I despised.
ReplyDeleteHowever since communication is the most important thing in any relationship I don't believe love conquers all. I think both partners should make an effort, not necessarily equal but a genuine effort. So, they can have a taste of each other's origins...
I find multicultural relationships extremely interesting! So much to teach each other!
I also studies ancient Greek... I still can read a little :) But overall I was not enjoying it.
DeleteEffort is what takes such relations to another level, after all it is not that difficult. My love inspire sme a lot - this blog is an acknowledgment of it :) And so rightly said, we always get to know new things about our cultures.
I was just reading previous posts I may have missed and I just finished little women too! I loved it!
ReplyDeleteAs for a question of yours I missed I have plenty of time to spare even though the baby and thevwork! Since we stopped waking her up(some bad pediatrician advice) to eat when she was 1 month old she sleeps through the night(11-14 hours straight). I was exclusively pumping at the beginning and that meant she was getting bigger portions! So she was not hungry and she did not wake up! Plus my husband takes care of the mornings!
So, don't worry you will very soon find your own routine!
hugs and kisses!
I loved it too, but some moments were so to say "too sweet".
DeleteI've got already that suggestion too!! But I really don't think that it is so neccessary to wake up a sleepign child in the middle of the night to start feeding! May be for first 10 days is ok, but then even I'd prefer him or her to sleep at night.
I shall talk to you on that topic more I believe.
I think it's going to be so awesome that your child will be fluent in Hindi, Russian and probably English too.
ReplyDeleteIt is Jojo. It depends on us of course. On my most of all, because It will be difficult to make a child know Russian only from me...
DeleteIn our home the common language is English. I'm fully bilingual, and my Piano Man and Little Princess are learning Spanish. We try to speak Spanish a lot, so that they can practice. It's fun when we blunder, and sometimes frustrating, too. Once they learn Spanish, we are going to try to learn French together.
ReplyDeleteGreat to know you rea building up that multiligual family Magaly! I always appreciate when parents are able to mix and blend and not ot leave anyone out :)
DeleteLittle Princess will benefit from this so much now and in future.
I love the cat ;o) I think that both should know a little of each other's language and should have one common one and this should be pasted on to the children ;o) You are doing excellent ;o)
ReplyDeleteI know, cats make such adorable face expressions :) You are right, I hope to make it that way in my family :) Just yesterday hubby was sitting with me at the Russian language lesson.
DeleteThat's great ;o)
Delete:) not only hindi, when you see here in India there are many regional languages and people prefer to speak in their regional language. It's true that language reflects culture. When we Indians speak English, no matter even if the words are pronounced right or a bit accent is added, still we sound hindi speaking ....it's just natural. As I said about regional, we both are marathi but Raj is not fluent in Marathi and speaks more Hindi n English at home. When he say something in marathi, it sounds like Hindi only :)
ReplyDeleteI feel understanding is enough. More important is to teach our kids both languages. Anshita is learning telugu as her 3rd language in school. So she now knows 4 languages. It's not pressure on kids, they catch new words very soon. For us grown ups, 'meow' is enough:) but we should try to teach a bit of everything that we know to our kids.
Oh yes, Preeti, even within India ther are so many regional languages! Sometimes people from different parts of India have English as a common language. We hav efriends who are from Chennai, so they only speak English with us, as we don't know Tamil...
DeleteThat's wonderful that your daughter knows 4 languages already, children benefit from this a lot!
Aw, love conquers all! I think that a little here and there and for each of you to teach your child a little of each and just let the child pick up and go where his or her little mind wants to go...it will all work out in the end! Just lots of love is all that is needed, lots of love!
ReplyDeleteLoving your thoughts, Jackie :) Love will certainly bring that balance into up bringing, but in the end it is a child how has his/her choice. Let's see where we come!
DeleteI love these culture posts and I couldn't figure out why I wasn't getting your updates - then I noticed that I wasn't following you..!? I totally thought I was. Well I am now :)
ReplyDeleteI have so many thoughts on this subject. As you know my partner is American, but since his parents are Swedish and since I've lived both in England and in the States there really is no language barrier. The only issues arise when we are so comfortable and hardly ever make any mistakes, and then suddenly one of us uses a word in a slightly strange way. Then we don't know if the person meant to say what they were saying or not.
So far we have mostly been speaking English with each other, but now when he has gotten his work permit and needs to really get out into Swedish society and the workplace I think things will be different.
I am glad you like them :) I didn't expect such a response from my current followers, and I also got to know some new things about them!
DeleteI suppose that your man will have to learn Swedish, because Europe is quite demanding in this sense. I have a cousin who is married to a Belgian, she had to learn about 3 new langauges besides English when she just got there. I am sure things will be all right for you and your partner once you are sure you can be together now.
I know that thing too, when you mean something else and say some other word, probably with similar sounding :) It can be funny at times.
Hindi seems like a very difficult language, I bet your hubby appreciates all the effort you put into learning it.
ReplyDeleteI have been with my beloved for the past four years, unfortunately to this day he doesn't speak any of my mother tongue... which can be a nuisance, especially during family gatherings where we are all happily chatting away in Polish and he doesn't understand a word. I hope that he will eventually learn some of it when we have children, as I would love our offspring to speak Polish fluently :)
It seemd very difficult for me, but when I got through all the alphabets and some basic pronounciation, it got much easier. Plus now I am exposed to it more, so learning is faster :)
DeleteI can understan your and his feeligns during such gatherings. Myhusband though he knows Russian a little, still feel sleft out when i meet my friends and we of course cannot stop from speking our language. I do also hope that our child will know more than 1 language :)