Thursday 29 May 2014

What Makes People Engage in Cross Cultural Relations

Many times when I used to start another topic of intercultural relations, a thought came to me that of course almost whatever I write about is applied to any union. It is just that cross cultural marriages have that "twist". Today I'd like to analyse what made me and my husband to engage in one of such, why didn't we prefer staying within our zone of comfort, he - in India, me - in Kazakhstan, then marry a person of the same nationality, religion, with the same mentality? The answer is "I have no idea!" 
No, seriously, we both had no intentions of marrying a foreigner ever in our life. Yes, we did have foreign friends in the Internet before, but that was just pure communication: few comments, few likes... Something happened in our case, and we proceeded further.
First, of course, we simply liked talking to each other a lot, exchange messages, share insights of our lives. Then it became a necessity for me to hear his voice and see him at least for few seconds, at least few times a week. I used to be sad when we couldn't chat for long periods of time, when he was away with his family on vacations, when I was away with my family for a weekend... It felt like that. Like I needed him in my life, he needed me too.
Second, it felt exotic, unusual, exciting, romantic to be in the multicultural relations. I dreamt of my handsome Indian boy, his land, possessing such a rich culture. You may call it curiosity or feeling of novelty, unexplored - it also played role in us becoming interested in our relations.
Third as soon as we felt special about all the happening, we both didn't want to lose it, because we felt comfortable when we were together, we had similar views, interests and so on. We knew things were not easy in the beginning and they would be more difficulties ahead, but we were determined and weren't afraid. We felt strong.
Fourth, for us it didn't feel weird to be married to a person whose cultural background is different from another one's. This can be called "open mindness" of some sort. However I shall note here that it doesn't happen in all the cases, especially when a partner is quite conservative or is not ready to adjust for another partner's' culture much. In my case I was lucky to find an Indian man who although was brought up and lived in India, had a different, not-so-traditional thinking what helped me a lot on the initial stages of adaptation.
Just to add to the question: during the course of two years of being employed in his company my D discovered how many of his colleagues from other countries ARE in cross cultural marriages! Like German-Russian, German-Indian, Indian-Ukrainian, and perhaps, many more. The world is uniting in spite of anything.
I am sure that intercultural relations which are valued and taken care of will evolve into strong bond between the partners. Sometimes we also forget what it took us to be together as things seem to have been the way they are always. At such time it is important to recollect how you started your cross cultural journey and why and remember that love brought you to each other across the distance. Cherish it.

22 comments:

  1. Here you really don't think twice about cross cultural relationships and/or marriages because America has become such a melting pot. The only real issue in this country, which is still often an issue even in this modern age is the black/white marriage. It was considered shocking in the 70s, esp. when one of my cousins ran off with her black boyfriend to get married. Her father never spoke to her again and refused to acknowledge his mixed race grandchildren. My parents even told me they never wanted me to date a black man. It's not such a big deal now for the most part but the southern states are still very racist towards that.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. This is very bad and sad... I think it might never change if people won't change their thinking. I didn't know this about Southern part of America. I have recently read To Kill a Mockingird... I thought it was all in the past.

      Delete
  2. I love your blog post today ( and actually all of your posts!!!). And you are right, you can't be too conservative and make these cross-cultural marriages work. You have to be open to other ways of thinking about things. Hope you are feeling wonderful! When is your baby due? Hugs, Linda@Wetcreek Blog

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks Linda :) Yes, I am feeling well. Due is in July, not very soon, so I still have time for a few blog posts till then :)hehe

      Delete
  3. I would love to know how you two actually met, Anna...Happy Thursday, my friend! XOXO

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You can Tanya. It is among my very first posts...:)
      Have a happy weekend ahead! I am so happy we are going to have it SOON!
      Hugs!

      Delete
  4. I have always had a weak spot for the "Foreign factor", and have dated many different nationalities (though the language barrier has mostly kept me among the Anglo-Saxons). There's something very tempting in starting completely afresh, dating someone who doesn't hold on to the same (unwritten) rules as the rest of the people around you. You get to try new things and see the world with new eyes.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Such relations are very enriching, exciting and always interesting. So I can understand why you liked being in them. I always say my husband that we will never get bored :)

      Delete
  5. I just giggled when I read the beginning of Ms Misantropia's comment. Because I'm the same way. I like different. I think that when we are with someone with whom we don't share background, culture, spiritual views--but that person is an intelligent and open-minded human being--the relationship is forever magical and fun. We always have something to talk about... or be surprised about because even when you think you know everything about each other, one say something that makes the other say, "Wow. Nice."

    I like that.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That's how we keep on going :) It is fun to get to know new things about your foreign partner every day! Is it even possible to share your whole cultural background in a life span? :)

      Delete
  6. That was so romantic!! It felt like watching a movie!! I hope the 3 rd trimester is not hard on you!!

    Love and hugs!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. We thought of proposing our story to Bollywood directors :)hehe
      Thanks Greekwitch!
      Love and hugs back at you honey!

      Delete
  7. So true Anna. My husband and I met on a blind date in New Orleans. I worked and lived there, but he had come to visit his college roommate who happened to be dating a friend I worked with. Small world indeed. That was June 22 years ago. And this October we will be married 20 years. We've had some tough times, but I always say that most folks give up too easy. We must always remember what brought us together in the first place. He says God sent him all the way to New Orleans, Louisiana just to meet me. Ha! It was meant to be. Best wishes, Tammy

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. What a lovely story of yours Tammy! It indeed feels special and precious to be in this kind of relations, and hence we have to safe and cherish them.
      Yes, I agree that many people give up too early, but at the same time may be if it didn't work for them in the beginning, it was the best decision not to proceed. We have many examples, and people seem to be okay with that too.
      Take care too!

      Delete
  8. I think this is a very special post, about the love you and your hubby have ;o) I think it's beautiful how you met, and how you couldn't stay away from each other ;o)
    I think in any kind of relationship, there has to be a spark! There has to be magic!
    Big Hugs ;o)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. aww, Thanks Stacy! I actually didn't mean to bring up our story so much forward.. but couln't help doing so I think.
      Magic? Certainly! He used to say that I charmed him.. I said he did something of the sort too :) I think that love is greatest magic we can create.

      Delete
  9. A very beautiful post about a very beautiful relationship. Many happy years to you both!

    I hope you are feeling well. :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you Mrs Micawber! :) I appreciate your kind wishes!
      Have a great day!

      Delete
  10. I thought i already said it before but apparently Your story is so romantic.Cupid must be proud!. You know, your blog was how i realised it. You always respond and you would never delete my comments on purpose. I went back to your posts and my comments were n't there. I hope your third trimester is easy on you. I hope your spirits are high and i hope baby kicks mostly in the day and you are comfortable enough to sleep!
    Lots and lots of love!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Aww, Cupid certainly didn't miss his targets! Thanks Greekwitch!
      I hope now you can get back to my replies and comment again :) I do love it!
      Yes, I am quite fine in 3d trimester, baby is active, I sleep well as much as possible. Thanks for support!
      Lots of love to you and your little daughter too!

      Delete
  11. Your story is so beautiful. I guess some things are just meant to be. Right ??? :-)
    And hey Anna I found another blog, thought maybe you'll be interested, so sharing with you.
    You came to my mind when I first read this. You'll be able to relate to it better.
    http://englishwifeindianlife.com/
    Have a great week and take care!!
    Hugs!!
    -Ranjitha

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I know... all love stories have their pecularities :) and our life overall.
      I think i came across this one some time ago, thanks, I will check out. But so interesting that not so many Russian wives actually blog....

      Delete

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...